Look at Your Vulva. No, Really. Look
It was at a fresher's fair that I first saw a charity handing out tiny mirrors. My first thought was that it was a bit of a naff welcome gift, surely everyone's brought their own? Turns out it was a stand of a charity preventing gynaecological cancers, encouraging people to actually look at their vulva. Because if we know what's normal for us, we're far more likely to notice when something changes, whether that's an early cancer sign, perimenopause, a prolapse, or changes after birth. Knowing your body means you'll actually seek help when you need it.
But it made me think that the benefits of this don't stop at cancer prevention. These mirrors have endless uses!
Vulva not Vagina
When I encourage Vulva Mirror or Vulva Gazing Exercises in therapy, I always begin with a short anatomy lesson because we are not looking at just the vagina. Reducing the whole complex and wonderfully sensitive vulva down to just our ‘hole’, is weird patriarchal, and dangerous. The vagina is powerful, it’s the life giving canal, it is where we bleed, it is how many of us have sex. But it is not our whole genitals. We wouldn’t talk about just the urethra on a penis or even just the head of a penis. We need to know and be able to name all the parts or our anatomy to appreciate them.
Mons pubis - The rounded, fatty area over the pubic bone, typically covered with pubic hair after puberty. It acts as a cushion and protects the underlying bones while the pubic hair help shield the more sensitive inner structures from friction and bacteria.
Labia majora - Two larger folds of skin that run from the mons pubis to the perineum. They protect the more sensitive inner structures. Size, shape, and colour vary widely from person to person.
Labia minora - Smaller, thinner folds of skin inside the labia majora. They can vary enormously in size, shape, and colour, and may protrude beyond the outer lips. These grow with estrogen increase at puberty and decrease in size with menopause.
Clitoris - A sensitive organ but only the tip (glans) is visible externally; the clitoris extends internally in a wishbone shape around the vaginal canal. It contains approximately 8,000 nerve endings and is the only organ in any human body with a sole function of pleasure
Clitoral hood (Prepuce) - A fold of skin that covers and protects the glans of the clitoris, similar to the foreskin.
Urethral opening- The small opening just below the clitoris through which urine passes.
Vaginal opening (Introitus) - The entrance to the vaginal canal. The hymen, a thin piece of tissue, may partially surround this opening; it varies greatly and is not an indicator of sexual activity.
Vagina - a muscular, elastic canal approximately 7–12 cm in length that connects the vulva to the cervix and uterus. It is self-cleaning: glands in the cervix and vaginal walls produce natural discharge that maintains a healthy pH balance and removes bacteria. The walls are lined with ridged tissue (rugae) that allows them to expand during arousal, penetration, or childbirth.
Perineum - The area of skin between the vaginal opening and the anus.
Why It Matters for Your Sex Life
The research on this is pretty clear: cis women who have a positive relationship with their genitals report higher self-esteem, better sexual wellbeing, and greater body image satisfaction. Women with poor vulva self-image experience more sexual distress, lower desire and arousal, and more pain during sex. How you speak about and feel about your body, even down to a specific body part, has real, measurable effects on your pleasure and your health.
We're not short of vulva celebration in culture right now. Lydia Reeves' ceramic models, the Vulva Gallery's fun illustrations of the full range of genital appearances, even my own graduation gift from my mum (a vulva ring, of course). I love all of it. But celebrating vulvas in the abstract and actually getting to know your own are two very different things. The mirror is where it gets personal.
Vulva Gazing Exercise
The vulva mirror exercise is a body awareness practice developed within sex therapy. It involves observing your own genitals with a small handheld mirror, combined with a mindful, nonjudgmental attitude.
The goals are straightforward: to become more in tune with your own body by taking an active role in exploring it, and to build the same mindfulness skills that make sex better, non-judgement, presence, and reduced cognitive distraction. Because the way you relate to your body outside of sex is exactly how you'll relate to it during sex.
How to Do It
Mindfulness here means paying attention with openness and curiosity, without judgment. You'll probably notice thoughts and comparisons arise. That's normal. The aim is to observe, not evaluate. Allow your experience to simply be what it is, without trying to judge it or alter it in any way.
Set aside 10 minutes somewhere private and comfortable. Then:
Find a position where you can comfortably hold a handheld mirror to view your vulva.
Take a few slow, deep breaths to arrive in the present moment.
Using the mirror, slowly observe each part, the mons pubis, labia majora, labia minora, clitoral hood, clitoris, urethral opening, vaginal opening.
Notice each part with curiosity rather than evaluation. Try simply naming what you see: I can see my labia minora. Full stop, no verdict.
When your mind wanders or a judgement shows up, gently return to looking with openness.
Notice any sensations, warmth, sensitivity, tension, ease, without needing to change anything.
Reminders
There is no right or wrong way your body should look
Curiosity is more useful than evaluation
If discomfort comes up, breathe and go at your own pace
This is self-knowledge, not a performance
You don't need to feel any particular way, whatever your experience is, it's valid
The vulva mirror exercise won't fix everything. But getting to know your own anatomy, in an honest and non-judgmental way, is a direct, hands on route to better sexual wellbeing. And it takes ten minutes and a small mirror.
Taking This Further
If this resonated with you, and you’d like guidance on the anatomy, the mindfulness framework, or a space to process whatever comes up, that's what sex therapy is for. I can help you work through any discomfort, curiosity, or blocks that arise as you begin to build a more honest relationship with your own body.
Enquire now for a free 15 minute consultation.
