Why I Tell Couples to Stop Scheduling Sex … And What to Do Instead!
What some couples find is that they start to look forward to it. Having a date in the calendar, or on the fridge, can create a sense of anticipation not unlike the early days of dating. You begin to look forward to that dedicated time together, and that anticipation itself can spark arousal.
However, getting caught up in the pressure of the marked calendar and putting pressure on someone who is not in the mood is going to do much more harm than good…
Modernizing Sensate Focus: My Trauma-Informed Twist As An Inclusive Sex Therapist
Sensate focus: the bread and butter of sex therapy. In the 1960s, Masters and Johnson developed what became the go-to treatment for couples struggling with desire, arousal, and intimacy - and the outcomes are genuinely good. But it was built on heterosexual relationships and assumes we're all working towards the same kind of sex. As an inclusive, trauma-informed sex therapist, I use sensate focus regularly - but with my own steps, my own ground rules, and a few twists along the way. Here's my version.
A Common Tale: Understanding Responsive Desire
Have you ever found yourself thinking, “Wow, that was great—why don’t I do that more often?” after sex… only to roll your eyes at the idea the next time it crosses your mind?
If so, you’re not alone.
In this blog post, I explore what is meant by the term ‘responsive desire’ and how we can use this to improve our sexual wellbeing.